Texture

It's difficult for me to write tonight.  I've been trying to write another post for almost a week now, but I'm finding it very difficult. It's hard to write about the emotional...what?..emotional trauma? That seems too strong of a word, but it's close. So, it's hard to write about the emotional trauma that Dave and I essentially volunteered us for.

I said my first tearful goodbye this weekend. Wow, it was difficult. I think I've learned from my time in the Navy that it's always easier to leave than to be left. This weekend, I wasn't sure I still believe that. It was goodbye to my friend from middle school (or so?) and her 15-year-old daughter. We all started crying and my kids didn't understand why. We tried to explain that we're going to miss each other while we're in Germany, but how do you explain a 2-year-long absence to a 5-year-old and 3-year-olds? In addition to saying goodbye, it was hard for me to watch the kids not understand that they would not get to see Nikki and Riley for a long time, possibly two years. How will it be when that understanding comes for them?

Thank God for Skype.

I had a nice lunch with my friend and boss (not sure which came first) today. I told her about the hard goodbye over the weekend and how I question our decision to do this. We also discussed diversity in schools, tiles in European housing, the future of our careers, little kids and raising them, and whatever else might have come up in the past couple of weeks since we last really saw each other. Then we got back around to Germany.

If it weren't for her, I wouldn't be going. I found the position on my own (with God's push, of course). I think her first reaction when I asked was to say no.  After all, the position couldn't be back-filled since I am coming back to it, and the team needs me. But something changed her mind and she said yes! Perhaps it was uncouth to reveal my doubts about leaving to her, but as I said she is also a friend, and I'm glad I did because of something she said to me today.  She told me that this kind of experience will "add texture to my life."

Yes, texture. Texture is good. Sometimes it can be coarse and cause friction to slow us down a little. Sometimes it is slick and speeds us up. Sometimes it is smooth and soft and helps us to soothe others. Sometimes the textures are unrecognizable and make us question where we are and what we're doing. A change in texture often results in a change in position or direction. And usually, I think, whether seen as good or bad initially, some good ultimately results from the addition of texture to one's life, whether intentional as in my case or accidental as so often occurs. (Romans 8:28)

I think, hope, and pray that this addition of texture is God's will for us and that it will not only be fun but also make us better Christians and better people overall.