Hit with gratitude

I've been hit with gratitude today, and it feels a little bit overwhelming.

I think I've been letting the bad things take over my life. Right now I have three people very close to me who have gotten or may be getting a diagnosis on their health that is bad, really bad. Long-term and life-changing bad. I'm here and not there to help or be helped, and it's really been taking a toll on me.

This morning I was practicing my Rodan and Fields story into a voice recorder (seriously, guys, they give excellent training), and I was talking about my job with the Army and how much I love it and the people I work with. My career as a Department of the Army civilian has been so good to me. The people I work with have been and are so good to me. I've learned so much since graduating from college, and I'm sure that even though I'll probably be working for 17 more years (as God wills), I'll be learning new things and enjoying myself most of the time. I love that my future is still so full of possibilities, even at my age. Life is really, really good.

I am TDY (that means on temporary duty--travel), and I called David last night and Lilly answered. What a great little talker she is at 2.5! She just about talked my ears off! I can't help but remember how badly affected Alex was by apraxia of speech at that age, and we didn't even realize it. (I thank God for Jeanette, who recognized it and told us to get him assistance! And I thank God that we took her advice!) I am so thankful that Alex improved as much as he did. He's reading out loud to his classmates, now. Great job to all his teachers since he was little!

The point is, I am hit with gratitude every time I think of my family. Last night, David told me that he napped with Lilly yesterday and woke up disoriented and not knowing what time it was because he is so dang tired. I can imagine! He's at home this week taking care of EVERYTHING. And guess what I'm doing on Saturday after getting home tomorrow? Flying to Madrid to be with my sister for two days!!! Whoop whoop! I love my husband!

Lately I've been overwhelmed by bad news. I've been praying about it and fasting, but still feeling overwhelmed by it.  As I was making my recording earlier, I realized that even though there is bad news in my life, there are also so many good things in my life, and I should not lose sight of them. If you're feeling overwhelmed by bad news, try to remember to get through one day at a time. If one day at a time is too much (and sometimes even that is too much), get through one morning, one afternoon, one evening, and one night at a time. Remember that this, too shall pass. Remember that God will work all things together for your good, if you allow yourself to bend to his purpose.

What I am looking forward to

I can't wait to see my friends and family! But more than just a happy reunion, I'm really looking forward to being back in their lives (whether they like it or not!) and having them back in ours. Relationships are so important, and while I've made a couple of good ones here, with potential for a couple more before I leave, I'm really looking forward to being near to my friends and family who have supported me over the long haul. (Thank you so much!)

One thing I'm looking forward to is getting back to the boys' bedroom, where we have a height measure hanging on the wall. Alex is so tall, and I can't wait to see how much he's grown while we've been gone! He's probably off the chart already.

Of course I'm looking forward to Chick Fil A. Nothing compares to it!

I'm looking forward to having my kitchen back. The kitchen in the house I'm renting is not adequate, nor in my opinion is it acceptable. But in addition to that, my kitchen in Waynesboro is pretty much perfect for me. It has blue-grey tile that is pretty no matter what, a good-sized refrigerator and pantry, black appliances, and overall, it's just very efficient. When I first bought the house only three years before we had left, I was concerned that the kitchen would be too small. But it's so efficient that it never felt too small. Not to mention, I miss my food processor and fruit ninja. I haven't made a smoothie since we've been here, and one of my favorite soups takes cashew cream, and it's just not the same without it.

I'm looking forward to Wegmans. That is such a great grocery store. It's not that the stores here aren't great. Some of the produce is beautiful. I've bought grapes from Italy and dates from Israel. But shopping in my home language makes it so much easier, efficient, and enjoyable! Usually I only go to the Rewe or the Globus for the oddities, like the great chocolates or meat sticks or something.

I'm also looking forward to seeing Pennsylvania's deer population again. You know I've only seen one deer, fleetingly, since I've been here? 

I'm looking forward to my job back home! It's true, there are probably few, if any, people who say early in their lives, "I want to be in Army acquisition when I grow up," but Army acquisition is quite interesting, and I work with so many great people, many of whom are very good friends. My work life here, albeit very interesting, has had a little less glimmer because I don't get to see those good Army acquisition folks every day. Many of them taught me what real friendship was. They truly share my joys in my life, and I especially realized it when my children were born AND when I got approved for this awesome assignment. Many of them have impacted my life for the better in ways they'll never know. (But God knows.) Many of them are the reason I came to realize that God cares about my daily witness, even in the mundane things. That was a life-changing lesson for me.

Speaking of life-changing, I'm excited to see how my skin care business does back home! I haven't spent very much time on it because it feels weird to me to be doing it over here, but I am looking forward to meeting new people in the States and having parties and building a team. It's going to be fun!

I certainly have a lot to look forward to when I get back. I am truly blessed.

What I will miss about living in Germany

I'm getting so close to coming home.

True, it's still 5.32602 months away, but these months are going to go by so fast. I've been thinking about my life back home and what I might miss about living here.

The most obvious thing, I think, is the ability to travel Europe so easily, except that I'm not really sure that I'll miss it. I've traveled quite a bit so far, and I've seen a lot here. It's been incredible, but the reason I'm not so sure I'll miss traveling in Europe is because I haven't yet taken my family around the United States. Until coming here to live, I had been intimidated about travel by our number and age of our children, so we hadn't traveled much since the twins were born. Now, I have no doubt that we're capable of going long distances in the vehicle as a family, and if I forget the luggage, or my swimsuit, or whatever, we'll be fine and still have fun. So while I've certainly enjoyed traveling in Europe so much, I'm also looking forward to traveling in the States.

Public transportation is indeed very good here, but I don't think I'll miss it because, frankly, herding our four kids onto a train or bus is stressful, and I'd rather just keep them all contained in the family minivan. Our trip to Italy was pretty fantastic, and although driving there was a little bit stressful (there are no rules!), I think it was much more convenient for us than if  we had tried to fly and use trains and buses once we were there. That holds true for everywhere we've been so far, I think. At this point, I pretty much only use public transportation when it's me and only one kid, and usually only when I don't want the stress of trying to find a parking space.

I will probably miss the German food. The fries here are so fresh and yummy. The schnitzel is tender and inexpensive. The sausage is quite tasty. They have really good mustards and very cheap, fresh bread. And their chocolate! I like Hershey's chocolate, but compared to Ritter, Lindt, Milka, Kinder, and even some of the store brands, Hershey's is pretty unimaginative.

I will certainly miss the fact that they have some sort of festival every time you turn around. It's very much an outdoor society, regardless of the weather. I feel like I've learned to do things without looking at the forecast, and I think that is a good lesson to learn.

I will miss Mainz, and specifically St. Stephan's Cathedral and the Isis and Magna Mater museum, especially with the volunteer there who has a PhD and is a wealth of knowledge and speaks excellent English.

In general, I will miss all the amazing cathedrals. I've seen so many, but how many have I not seen?! Hundreds, probably, considering that most of the big cities have 3 or more in each of them.

I will miss the history here. I love to see the Roman influence and to try to imagine real people walking around these places a thousand years ago or more.

I will miss the radiator that is also a towel rack in my bathroom. That is such a nice creature comfort to have every day!

I will certainly miss our friend Ken. He's my coworker also on this rotation, and he has proven to be a great source of wisdom in every area of my life. I know I will miss him, but I have so many friends to go back to. I can't wait to see my friends and family!!! I am so excited for so many happy reunions.

I will miss the walking zone (fußganger) in Wiesbaden. But a new sidewalk was put in near our house just before we left, and I look forward to taking evening walks with the family again back home.

I will miss being so close to Frankfurt, or any big city, really. I still intend to get back to Frankfurt again before I leave and visit the Schirn museum and the Museum of Modern Art (MMK). Although it's not as close, D.C. is also nice and has a lot of free stuff that I look forward to taking the family to.

David said that he will miss the Wiesbaden Schlachthof (an old slaughterhouse turned music venue), Thomann Music store with its 19% discount, and access to good beer.

One other thing I'll miss, that isn't actually relevant to being in Germany, is the age of my children. We made a lot of memories in this house, and since we're leaving it, I won't be able to think, "Remember that time when?..." I'm sure I'll do that anyway, but in a little way, we'll be leaving a piece of those memories behind. But we will have many more memories to make ahead of us, God willing.

So there are some things I'll miss, but in most cases, there are things back home that can fill the gap (no Kinder hippos, though!). And nothing compares to being close to my family and friends again! I'm getting very excited already!!

Some random cute pictures:

Walking home from dinner with a friend one night.  I thought this looked cool.

Quiet time

After a long absence, quiet time is back in my life. Thank you, Jesus.

Everything had been suffering because I didn't have quiet time: my marriage, my work, my motherhood, and especially my relationship with God.

I'm surprised how much I missed it. I used to have a morning routine, back home in PA after the twins were born, where I would wake up early enough to read the Bible and pray for 20 to 30 minutes. Or sometimes I would only do that for 10 to 15 minutes, and the rest of the time I would look into the fire and let my thoughts peacefully roam.

I believe it was before Lilly was born that I last enjoyed that opportunity.

Now that Lilly is sleeping (a momentous occasion in my life), I have been waking up early enough to read the Bible and pray. I also usually read a book that exposes something about the Bible. This year, I've been reading a book by A. W. Tozer called "The Knowledge of the Holy". It is a small book with big impact, and I highly recommend it to anyone who would like to know God better. It's not the easiest read. I have read some of the short chapters two or even three times. But it is small, and the way it is written fits perfectly into my 30 minutes alone in the morning.

Not long ago, I wrote a post for tired moms, because that's what I was. Today, I would say I am not exhausted any more, but I'm a little bit lost. I want more than anything in my life to honor God. When I die, I want to hear those precious words, "Well done, good and faithful servant." But my life is consumed with work, and I'm not sure how I should honor God every day, or more specifically, with every breath that I take, which is what I desire. I know that fitting quiet time for 30 minutes is a starting point, but I feel like it's inadequate.

Sometimes I think that when I retire, I will devote myself to something much bigger than me, and that will be my service. But what if I never get to retire? We always hear about the importance of a work / life balance, but as creatures created by God, we were created for worship. We are, I believe, unfulfilled if we don't worship God, but how do we balance that? Is it even appropriate to talk about balancing that?

I am always thankful I was born in the United States. I believe my life is easy because of it. But compared to much of the rest of the world, we are rich, and it is hard for the rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. Perhaps it's because the rich man has things that fill his life that keep him from true faith. And once that happens, once life is filled with things that obscure true faith, how does the rich man get out of it?

This is what my quiet time is doing to me now. I think it's because my life had been so full with other things, and I wasn't allocating enough time for my relationship with God. But what is enough? Please pray for me on this matter, and feel free to share your thoughts with me about it. Perhaps you have gone through a similar struggle and have some reason and logic and wisdom I can apply to my own life. Or perhaps you're working through it too. If so, you are definitely not alone.

On saying yes

"Will you go down to the basement with me and build Legos?" sometimes is translated by me as, "Will you go down to the cold basement and sit on the hard floor and build me a Lego set that I won't appreciate, giving up at least an hour of your life, even though I'll walk away after ten minutes?"

Sometimes "Will you tickle me?" at bedtime sounds like, "I'm going to manipulate this situation so I am up later and longer no matter what you do. We can either do it the fun way or the not fun way, but I'm getting five minutes out of you regardless."

"Can I paint on the window?"

"Can we decorate cookies?"

"Can we play with the sand?"

"Can we do watercolors?"

(Why does it seem like everything is messy?) Lol.

Sometimes I catch myself saying "no" too often. And then I turn it around and say "yes".

It matters to the kids.