Hit with gratitude

I've been hit with gratitude today, and it feels a little bit overwhelming.

I think I've been letting the bad things take over my life. Right now I have three people very close to me who have gotten or may be getting a diagnosis on their health that is bad, really bad. Long-term and life-changing bad. I'm here and not there to help or be helped, and it's really been taking a toll on me.

This morning I was practicing my Rodan and Fields story into a voice recorder (seriously, guys, they give excellent training), and I was talking about my job with the Army and how much I love it and the people I work with. My career as a Department of the Army civilian has been so good to me. The people I work with have been and are so good to me. I've learned so much since graduating from college, and I'm sure that even though I'll probably be working for 17 more years (as God wills), I'll be learning new things and enjoying myself most of the time. I love that my future is still so full of possibilities, even at my age. Life is really, really good.

I am TDY (that means on temporary duty--travel), and I called David last night and Lilly answered. What a great little talker she is at 2.5! She just about talked my ears off! I can't help but remember how badly affected Alex was by apraxia of speech at that age, and we didn't even realize it. (I thank God for Jeanette, who recognized it and told us to get him assistance! And I thank God that we took her advice!) I am so thankful that Alex improved as much as he did. He's reading out loud to his classmates, now. Great job to all his teachers since he was little!

The point is, I am hit with gratitude every time I think of my family. Last night, David told me that he napped with Lilly yesterday and woke up disoriented and not knowing what time it was because he is so dang tired. I can imagine! He's at home this week taking care of EVERYTHING. And guess what I'm doing on Saturday after getting home tomorrow? Flying to Madrid to be with my sister for two days!!! Whoop whoop! I love my husband!

Lately I've been overwhelmed by bad news. I've been praying about it and fasting, but still feeling overwhelmed by it.  As I was making my recording earlier, I realized that even though there is bad news in my life, there are also so many good things in my life, and I should not lose sight of them. If you're feeling overwhelmed by bad news, try to remember to get through one day at a time. If one day at a time is too much (and sometimes even that is too much), get through one morning, one afternoon, one evening, and one night at a time. Remember that this, too shall pass. Remember that God will work all things together for your good, if you allow yourself to bend to his purpose.

What I am looking forward to

I can't wait to see my friends and family! But more than just a happy reunion, I'm really looking forward to being back in their lives (whether they like it or not!) and having them back in ours. Relationships are so important, and while I've made a couple of good ones here, with potential for a couple more before I leave, I'm really looking forward to being near to my friends and family who have supported me over the long haul. (Thank you so much!)

One thing I'm looking forward to is getting back to the boys' bedroom, where we have a height measure hanging on the wall. Alex is so tall, and I can't wait to see how much he's grown while we've been gone! He's probably off the chart already.

Of course I'm looking forward to Chick Fil A. Nothing compares to it!

I'm looking forward to having my kitchen back. The kitchen in the house I'm renting is not adequate, nor in my opinion is it acceptable. But in addition to that, my kitchen in Waynesboro is pretty much perfect for me. It has blue-grey tile that is pretty no matter what, a good-sized refrigerator and pantry, black appliances, and overall, it's just very efficient. When I first bought the house only three years before we had left, I was concerned that the kitchen would be too small. But it's so efficient that it never felt too small. Not to mention, I miss my food processor and fruit ninja. I haven't made a smoothie since we've been here, and one of my favorite soups takes cashew cream, and it's just not the same without it.

I'm looking forward to Wegmans. That is such a great grocery store. It's not that the stores here aren't great. Some of the produce is beautiful. I've bought grapes from Italy and dates from Israel. But shopping in my home language makes it so much easier, efficient, and enjoyable! Usually I only go to the Rewe or the Globus for the oddities, like the great chocolates or meat sticks or something.

I'm also looking forward to seeing Pennsylvania's deer population again. You know I've only seen one deer, fleetingly, since I've been here? 

I'm looking forward to my job back home! It's true, there are probably few, if any, people who say early in their lives, "I want to be in Army acquisition when I grow up," but Army acquisition is quite interesting, and I work with so many great people, many of whom are very good friends. My work life here, albeit very interesting, has had a little less glimmer because I don't get to see those good Army acquisition folks every day. Many of them taught me what real friendship was. They truly share my joys in my life, and I especially realized it when my children were born AND when I got approved for this awesome assignment. Many of them have impacted my life for the better in ways they'll never know. (But God knows.) Many of them are the reason I came to realize that God cares about my daily witness, even in the mundane things. That was a life-changing lesson for me.

Speaking of life-changing, I'm excited to see how my skin care business does back home! I haven't spent very much time on it because it feels weird to me to be doing it over here, but I am looking forward to meeting new people in the States and having parties and building a team. It's going to be fun!

I certainly have a lot to look forward to when I get back. I am truly blessed.

What I will miss about living in Germany

I'm getting so close to coming home.

True, it's still 5.32602 months away, but these months are going to go by so fast. I've been thinking about my life back home and what I might miss about living here.

The most obvious thing, I think, is the ability to travel Europe so easily, except that I'm not really sure that I'll miss it. I've traveled quite a bit so far, and I've seen a lot here. It's been incredible, but the reason I'm not so sure I'll miss traveling in Europe is because I haven't yet taken my family around the United States. Until coming here to live, I had been intimidated about travel by our number and age of our children, so we hadn't traveled much since the twins were born. Now, I have no doubt that we're capable of going long distances in the vehicle as a family, and if I forget the luggage, or my swimsuit, or whatever, we'll be fine and still have fun. So while I've certainly enjoyed traveling in Europe so much, I'm also looking forward to traveling in the States.

Public transportation is indeed very good here, but I don't think I'll miss it because, frankly, herding our four kids onto a train or bus is stressful, and I'd rather just keep them all contained in the family minivan. Our trip to Italy was pretty fantastic, and although driving there was a little bit stressful (there are no rules!), I think it was much more convenient for us than if  we had tried to fly and use trains and buses once we were there. That holds true for everywhere we've been so far, I think. At this point, I pretty much only use public transportation when it's me and only one kid, and usually only when I don't want the stress of trying to find a parking space.

I will probably miss the German food. The fries here are so fresh and yummy. The schnitzel is tender and inexpensive. The sausage is quite tasty. They have really good mustards and very cheap, fresh bread. And their chocolate! I like Hershey's chocolate, but compared to Ritter, Lindt, Milka, Kinder, and even some of the store brands, Hershey's is pretty unimaginative.

I will certainly miss the fact that they have some sort of festival every time you turn around. It's very much an outdoor society, regardless of the weather. I feel like I've learned to do things without looking at the forecast, and I think that is a good lesson to learn.

I will miss Mainz, and specifically St. Stephan's Cathedral and the Isis and Magna Mater museum, especially with the volunteer there who has a PhD and is a wealth of knowledge and speaks excellent English.

In general, I will miss all the amazing cathedrals. I've seen so many, but how many have I not seen?! Hundreds, probably, considering that most of the big cities have 3 or more in each of them.

I will miss the history here. I love to see the Roman influence and to try to imagine real people walking around these places a thousand years ago or more.

I will miss the radiator that is also a towel rack in my bathroom. That is such a nice creature comfort to have every day!

I will certainly miss our friend Ken. He's my coworker also on this rotation, and he has proven to be a great source of wisdom in every area of my life. I know I will miss him, but I have so many friends to go back to. I can't wait to see my friends and family!!! I am so excited for so many happy reunions.

I will miss the walking zone (fußganger) in Wiesbaden. But a new sidewalk was put in near our house just before we left, and I look forward to taking evening walks with the family again back home.

I will miss being so close to Frankfurt, or any big city, really. I still intend to get back to Frankfurt again before I leave and visit the Schirn museum and the Museum of Modern Art (MMK). Although it's not as close, D.C. is also nice and has a lot of free stuff that I look forward to taking the family to.

David said that he will miss the Wiesbaden Schlachthof (an old slaughterhouse turned music venue), Thomann Music store with its 19% discount, and access to good beer.

One other thing I'll miss, that isn't actually relevant to being in Germany, is the age of my children. We made a lot of memories in this house, and since we're leaving it, I won't be able to think, "Remember that time when?..." I'm sure I'll do that anyway, but in a little way, we'll be leaving a piece of those memories behind. But we will have many more memories to make ahead of us, God willing.

So there are some things I'll miss, but in most cases, there are things back home that can fill the gap (no Kinder hippos, though!). And nothing compares to being close to my family and friends again! I'm getting very excited already!!

Some random cute pictures:

Walking home from dinner with a friend one night.  I thought this looked cool.

Quiet time

After a long absence, quiet time is back in my life. Thank you, Jesus.

Everything had been suffering because I didn't have quiet time: my marriage, my work, my motherhood, and especially my relationship with God.

I'm surprised how much I missed it. I used to have a morning routine, back home in PA after the twins were born, where I would wake up early enough to read the Bible and pray for 20 to 30 minutes. Or sometimes I would only do that for 10 to 15 minutes, and the rest of the time I would look into the fire and let my thoughts peacefully roam.

I believe it was before Lilly was born that I last enjoyed that opportunity.

Now that Lilly is sleeping (a momentous occasion in my life), I have been waking up early enough to read the Bible and pray. I also usually read a book that exposes something about the Bible. This year, I've been reading a book by A. W. Tozer called "The Knowledge of the Holy". It is a small book with big impact, and I highly recommend it to anyone who would like to know God better. It's not the easiest read. I have read some of the short chapters two or even three times. But it is small, and the way it is written fits perfectly into my 30 minutes alone in the morning.

Not long ago, I wrote a post for tired moms, because that's what I was. Today, I would say I am not exhausted any more, but I'm a little bit lost. I want more than anything in my life to honor God. When I die, I want to hear those precious words, "Well done, good and faithful servant." But my life is consumed with work, and I'm not sure how I should honor God every day, or more specifically, with every breath that I take, which is what I desire. I know that fitting quiet time for 30 minutes is a starting point, but I feel like it's inadequate.

Sometimes I think that when I retire, I will devote myself to something much bigger than me, and that will be my service. But what if I never get to retire? We always hear about the importance of a work / life balance, but as creatures created by God, we were created for worship. We are, I believe, unfulfilled if we don't worship God, but how do we balance that? Is it even appropriate to talk about balancing that?

I am always thankful I was born in the United States. I believe my life is easy because of it. But compared to much of the rest of the world, we are rich, and it is hard for the rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. Perhaps it's because the rich man has things that fill his life that keep him from true faith. And once that happens, once life is filled with things that obscure true faith, how does the rich man get out of it?

This is what my quiet time is doing to me now. I think it's because my life had been so full with other things, and I wasn't allocating enough time for my relationship with God. But what is enough? Please pray for me on this matter, and feel free to share your thoughts with me about it. Perhaps you have gone through a similar struggle and have some reason and logic and wisdom I can apply to my own life. Or perhaps you're working through it too. If so, you are definitely not alone.

On saying yes

"Will you go down to the basement with me and build Legos?" sometimes is translated by me as, "Will you go down to the cold basement and sit on the hard floor and build me a Lego set that I won't appreciate, giving up at least an hour of your life, even though I'll walk away after ten minutes?"

Sometimes "Will you tickle me?" at bedtime sounds like, "I'm going to manipulate this situation so I am up later and longer no matter what you do. We can either do it the fun way or the not fun way, but I'm getting five minutes out of you regardless."

"Can I paint on the window?"

"Can we decorate cookies?"

"Can we play with the sand?"

"Can we do watercolors?"

(Why does it seem like everything is messy?) Lol.

Sometimes I catch myself saying "no" too often. And then I turn it around and say "yes".

It matters to the kids.

Bruges

I really had my heart set on going to Bruges over the holidays. I've been hearing great things about it from the people I work with since I've been here. It's been to the tune of, "Go to Bruges. It is worth the trip."

Since the kids all had gotten sick over the holidays, I was hesitant to make any hotel reservations, but I still REALLY wanted to go. So David and I agreed to "wing it." I'm not very good at winging it. I'm too much of a planner, and not having plans stresses me out. And I don't like being stressed out!

We left at 14:07 on Friday. I kept looking at hotels.com and booking.com to see if there was availability, and honestly, it didn't look like much. But I still didn't want to make a reservation because I thought they were easily 20 Euros per room higher than they needed to be. We were getting 2 rooms, so I decided that the savings would be worth the stress.

David drove. He feels a lot of stress when he drives over here. That stress carries over to me. We got to within about 10 minutes of the city center, drove past a fancy hotel, and made a u-turn back to it at a roundabout. I checked if they had vacancies, they did. They had a restaurant. They had breakfast. They had adjoining rooms. It was twice the price I had been hoping to pay! But it was 100 times more convenient than driving the extra ten minutes at 1930 and trying to find a B&B in the city center, not to mention parking for our giant van.

What a good decision!

Our dinner and breakfast were excellent. The rooms were lovely, with some unexpected amenities (coffee, chocolates, madeleines, beer). I had told the kids that we were staying for one night, but if they ended up loving it, we would stay a second night. OF COURSE they loved it! But I reneged. Anyhow, what I had ACTUALLY told them was that if they loved the city, we could stay a second night. They loved the hotel. Even Livvy said when we got back that she was a little bit sad because we weren't staying at that hotel. Alex said he wished we could live there. I'm glad they have that sense of adventure, at least.

Bruges was certainly worth the trip. The first thing we did was visit the ice castle located next to the train station. It was kind of gimicky, but still interesting. It was cold (22 degrees), so we only stayed in for about 20 minutes. But the interesting thing was that the train station had parking for a half hour for only 10 cents. Handy! And even better, after having parked, we found a parking garage right next to it for 3.50 per day. That was easy walking distance in, and it was big enough to be relatively comfortable for David to park the van.

We walked around for four or five hours. Livvy wanted one thing and one thing only--ice cream! Even though it was cold, she enjoyed her ice cream so much. David and I got some waffles. (The word Belgian there is redundant, don't you think?) Delicious! I went into a grocery store and bought some chocolates and waffles to bring home. I/We visited two churches, the plaza, and the outside of Belfort. Alex wanted to go up it, but the line was long both times we went there, so we didn't do it. At least they had a convenient restroom there! I am to the point where I don't hesitate to pay 50 cents for a potty anymore. They're always clean and well-stocked when they're attended, so it doesn't bother me at all.

Bruges had such a different atmosphere than most of the German cities we've visited. For one, I didn't feel in the least bit judged for speaking English (not Dutch or French). There were a lot of tourists, so I would imagine in the spring/summer/fall it would be very crowded. They don't like cars in the city center, so parking by the train station and walking in was ideal. (Not what we would have done if we hadn't gotten that hotel--I was going to try to go into the center and then find a B&B very close. I don't think that would have been easy for the six of us.) I could see Bruges being very romantic and a fun destination in addition to Paris. It sort of reminded me of Prague (friendly, ancient, modern), and I didn't think the prices were bad compared with other cities we've been to. I could easily spend 3 or 4 days there. I'm so glad we were all feeling well enough and had a chance to go!

Church of Our Lady Bruges

Two lovely girls. I took this at breakfast at the restaurant.

At St James Church Bruges. It had dozens of lovely Flemish paintings and many sculptures. I took a quick stroll through it, but I could have easily spent an hour there.

A look at the year gone by

I'm very excited about this year. I'm looking forward to so much. But before I get into all of that, it seems only appropriate to tally the pros and cons of 2018.

Let's see:

January: January of last year was a little bit sad for me because Mom left, but the good news was that she was coming back to help us out in March.

February: February was somewhat uneventful for us, except that we visited Koln (Cologne) and saw the Lindt chocolate factory and the very impressive Dom (cathedral). I really enjoyed Koln and would go back if I had more time. I recommend it as a top city to visit in Germany.

On February 3, 2018, I became a Rodan and Fields consultant. So glad I did.

In February, I also left for the exercise in Israel. Mom came a week later to help David out with the kids.

March: In March while I was in Israel, I got to see so much, including Tel Aviv, the Mediterranean, Masada, The Dead Sea, Ein Gedi Nature Preserve, The Sea of Galilee, and Yad Vashem. The sunshine and the sights were incredible. It was a time I will never forget.

I had about a week left with Mom when I got back, and we went to Frankfurt and saw the Goethe House, the Museum of Archaeology, and the Cathedral and its museum.  We also went to Mainz and saw the Isis and Magna Mater Museum, the Dom, and St. Stephen's Cathedral. It was very hard to see Mom off, not knowing how long it will be until I see her again. (I'm still hoping it's before July!)

April: In April, we all went to Frankfurt so David could visit the Schirn Museum. We also went to Rothenburg ob der Tauber (very cute), and we took a trip to the Netherlands to see the tulips. That trip was a little dampened because Lilly had a fever most of the time, but the tulips were incredible, and I might like to go again. Also, since Lilly wasn't feeling all that well, we didn't go to Amsterdam, which would be really nice to see.

May:  May was the kickoff for our series of incredible months. I went to Prague with a friend, and we took a family vacation to Tuscany, which remains one of our favorites so far.

June: June was special with the visit from my in-laws. I also took a special day with Alex in Mainz, where he got his first mohawk.

July: In July, my sister came to visit for three weeks. We hit Paris, Berlin, Colmar, Strasbourg, Trier, and did a Rhein River Cruise. It was such a blessing to get to see her and spend time with her.

August: In August, my friends came to visit us and let David and I go on our first date of the year. We also visited Stuttgart with another friend of mine, including the Porsche museum, which I thoroughly enjoyed even though I'm not a motorhead whatsoever. Fred and David did a Rhein River Cruise together because I thought it was a necessary experience for David, and Fred and I did a tour in Rudesheim that included 2 gondolas and a short hike. It was such a nice visit.

September: I met up with a friend from my past in Worms. That was a pleasant and unexpected surprise. Shortly after that, my friend from high school came, and we went to DisneyLand Paris, which wasn't fun at all for me because I ended up getting sick and then so did everyone else.  During her visit, we missed our opportunities to take her to Garmisch and Neuschwanstein, Oktoberfest, and everywhere else we had planned. Fortunately, she wasn't timid and didn't let that stop her from sightseeing on her first trip to Europe. AND, she didn't get sick, thank God.

October: October ended up being a downhill slope for us, when David was hospitalized with the same infection of strep that was plaguing all of us. The German doctors didn't give us adequate prescriptions of antibiotics, and Griffin and Lilly ended up with Scarlet fever (Griffin for a whole month). So we didn't really go anywhere or do anything in October. The kids all felt well enough to go trick-or-treating, fortunately. They didn't last more than an hour, though! A really big, huge milestone that happened in October was that Lilly started sleeping in her own bed. For the first time in about 7 years, I was getting quality sleep through the night again!

November: November 12th was the last day that anyone in our family started their last prescription, so in all honesty, part of September, all of October, and most of November were pretty hard on us. I depleted my sick leave almost entirely during that fiasco.

December: December saw us all on the mend and mostly healthy. I thought I would be very sad after Christmas, but I absolutely wasn't. Our Christmas was so enjoyable, and I appreciated the reduced workload from not having visitors (but I don't want that to happen again for at least another ten years!). I had hoped that we would go to Belgium to see an ice castle in between Christmas and New Year's, but the kids were taking turns with a fever, so we didn't. By New Year's Eve, everyone was feeling well, though, and we had a nice time on our balcony watching the fireworks that surrounded us.

It was a blessed year! It wasn't without its challenges, of course. And honestly, as my friend warned me before I left, being here without our support network has been very taxing on our marriage. I'm not worried about that, though, because we'll bounce right back when things get easier, and we now have a baby-sitter to give us some time together here and there for the rest of our time here (thank God!). I mean really, if you think about it, David and I went about the first six months of our time here without a single moment to peacefully share between just the two of us. Then when Mom was here in December we went on one date. Then, if I recall correctly, it didn't happen again until August. That would be tough on any marriage!

What's in store for 2019:

The stress on my marriage is the main reason I am looking forward to coming back home in July. That and, of course, because I miss my extended family and my friends SO MUCH! But don't get me wrong! I have about 7 months left, and I intend to enjoy them to the fullest! Starting with a trip to Belgium (the one I didn't get to make over Christmas) tomorrow for a night! I am also planning (God willing):

* A trip to Bratislava / Vienna / Bavaria during Alex's spring break
* A trip to Poland to go to the Polish Pottery Outlet
* A trip to Denmark / Sweden / Finland
* A visit to Nuremburg

I'm CONSIDERING:
* Another visit to the Netherlands when the tulips are in bloom.  That was so pretty and we just didn't quite enjoy it enough because of Lilly's fever! But it almost seems silly to revisit (even though we are going back to Edelweiss in Garmisch) and I'm not sure I can swing it with another big trip in April already. We'll see!
* A Disneyland Paris do-over. (I really can't decide about that!)

What are your hopes for the year? What are you looking forward to this year?

View of the fireworks from our house on New Year's Eve