Quiet time

After a long absence, quiet time is back in my life. Thank you, Jesus.

Everything had been suffering because I didn't have quiet time: my marriage, my work, my motherhood, and especially my relationship with God.

I'm surprised how much I missed it. I used to have a morning routine, back home in PA after the twins were born, where I would wake up early enough to read the Bible and pray for 20 to 30 minutes. Or sometimes I would only do that for 10 to 15 minutes, and the rest of the time I would look into the fire and let my thoughts peacefully roam.

I believe it was before Lilly was born that I last enjoyed that opportunity.

Now that Lilly is sleeping (a momentous occasion in my life), I have been waking up early enough to read the Bible and pray. I also usually read a book that exposes something about the Bible. This year, I've been reading a book by A. W. Tozer called "The Knowledge of the Holy". It is a small book with big impact, and I highly recommend it to anyone who would like to know God better. It's not the easiest read. I have read some of the short chapters two or even three times. But it is small, and the way it is written fits perfectly into my 30 minutes alone in the morning.

Not long ago, I wrote a post for tired moms, because that's what I was. Today, I would say I am not exhausted any more, but I'm a little bit lost. I want more than anything in my life to honor God. When I die, I want to hear those precious words, "Well done, good and faithful servant." But my life is consumed with work, and I'm not sure how I should honor God every day, or more specifically, with every breath that I take, which is what I desire. I know that fitting quiet time for 30 minutes is a starting point, but I feel like it's inadequate.

Sometimes I think that when I retire, I will devote myself to something much bigger than me, and that will be my service. But what if I never get to retire? We always hear about the importance of a work / life balance, but as creatures created by God, we were created for worship. We are, I believe, unfulfilled if we don't worship God, but how do we balance that? Is it even appropriate to talk about balancing that?

I am always thankful I was born in the United States. I believe my life is easy because of it. But compared to much of the rest of the world, we are rich, and it is hard for the rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. Perhaps it's because the rich man has things that fill his life that keep him from true faith. And once that happens, once life is filled with things that obscure true faith, how does the rich man get out of it?

This is what my quiet time is doing to me now. I think it's because my life had been so full with other things, and I wasn't allocating enough time for my relationship with God. But what is enough? Please pray for me on this matter, and feel free to share your thoughts with me about it. Perhaps you have gone through a similar struggle and have some reason and logic and wisdom I can apply to my own life. Or perhaps you're working through it too. If so, you are definitely not alone.