Why I love my cluttered and chaotic life

Ouch. Just stepped on a Lego.

There's poop on the toilet again.

"I don't want this EVER!" (Lilly)

Has anyone seen a clean, flat surface lying around?

"Get your finger out of your nose." (Me.)

Slinking down the steps before getting ready for school.

"I hate this soup! And I don't want peanut butter and jelly!" (The power of three.)

Laundry. Mounds and mounds of it.

My sleep was interrupted 6 times last night. I ONLY HAVE FOUR KIDS!

12 infections requiring intervention in October and November. (Did I mention that I only have four kids?!)

... But the good thing is that all of this, all of THIS, the craziness that is in my life, is there because I have four little kids at home, and a beautiful, wonderful, still sometimes unbelievable family.

I honestly love the Legos. They are everywhere. It's okay, though. It's a good way for me to relate to the boys, and I'm hopeful it will last into their youth. They hurt quite a bit when you step down on them, but now I just walk around the house light-footed like a ninja. That also helps me to scare David half to death. I did it hilariously on our honeymoon. It remains one of my favorite pastimes to this day.

I have a great life. I'm tired, don't get me wrong. I'm ALWAYS tired. But moms are usually tired, I think. Moms remember. Everything. And when moms forget because we can't really remember everything, moms have more work because of it.

Moms fill every role. We abate. Berate. Comfort. Defend. Encourage. Finalize. Generate. Hug. Instruct. Judge. Kiss. Love. Memorize. Nag. Overrule. Praise. Query. Remember. Synchronize. Tally. Understand. Video. Wait. Examine. Yell. And see our children as a zenith in our lives.

And we do all of that in the first hour of our day, most days!

I know other moms who are very tired. (I'm thinking of you, MBS.) I want to tell the tired moms that your good deeds and tireless, unending efforts do not go unnoticed. True, your husband may not notice. Perhaps he underestimates your work and overestimates his contributions. Your children may not notice. They may be at an age when they're just too little to understand, or too self-involved to take note. Your parents may not notice. They may think you're not doing an adequate job or you're doing it incorrectly. Your friends may not notice.  They may judge you for having too many kids in this awful world, or not having enough kids when this awful world needs more good people like you.  But God always notices. Always.

So keep your chin up, Tired Mom. You can do this. You're strong, too strong to quit. You're needed, whether they know it or not. You're worthy, no matter what the people around you might say. And your work IS noticed, and your work will be rewarded.

“Restrain your voice from weeping

    and your eyes from tears,

for your work will be rewarded,”

declares the Lord. 

Jeremiah 31:16

Me attempting to get a good picture of all four kids at once.

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Keep scrolling. That was about a third of all I took.

Nope.  Couldn't do it.  I'll settle for a rock with a red berry on it.

Zahnschmerzen

That is a word I wish I had never learned. It means tooth pain, and the reason I learned it is because Griffin has cavities and has had them for some time, and I ignored it, or at least denied it. Who ever heard of a preschooler getting a cavity!? His teeth are only like 3 years old!

I admit, I had hoped to avoid going to the dentist at all for the two years we're here. That wasn't the plan initially, but the process of finding a pediatrician, paying for it, and getting reimbursed has been SUCH a hassle with BCBS that I really hoped it wouldn't be absolutely necessary for the "optional" dentist and eye doctor. I have different dental insurance, and their claims process is completely by paperwork. At least BCBS has an online process for my end.

Since Griffin had been complaining, about three weeks ago, as David was driving us in town, I noticed a kinder "zahnarztpraxis" and wrote down their website. But I had work-up to going TDY and then the travel itself, and frankly, I thought I still had time. But one of my biggest pain measures for the children is when something keeps them awake at night. If pain is keeping them awake, I know they're not faking it or exaggerating. David told me Friday morning that Griffin woke up moaning at 2:00 a.m. and kept waking up all night. So I finally realized it was urgent. Bad momma.

Four days earlier, I had emailed that dentist to get an appointment, but I wrote my email all in English because most doctors speak English anyhow, and the hassle of the language barrier is really painful and stressful. I got no response, however, so Friday morning I wrote an email in German and hence learned the word for toothache. I'm sure it was very bad German. I'm stubborn and don't like to overuse Google translate. But it got the point across, and they were willing to see Griffin at 1600.

I was still on travel on Friday, so I had to leave early, and then there was the stress of cutting out early without looking like a dirtbag, and also making it home in time regardless of the traffic. I didn't get out as early as I had hoped, but we made it in time because I had David drop us off instead of taking the bus.

We waited for almost an hour, but it was understandable since the dentist fit us in at the end of her day. She gave Griffin a shot of Novocaine, and man, was he tough. I'm still impressed. She cleaned his tooth and he still complained about pain, so she took an x-ray and determined that it would need to be pulled. She packed it with cotton and told me to take out the cotton with tweezers the next day. I told her his other side was painful, but she said that it would be to much for him all in one day. I think that's what she said. It was all in German, and I'm sure a lot was lost in translation. I have an appointment for a follow-up for his other side and another one to get the worst one pulled.

Although that work alleviated his pain a little bit, Griffin complained all weekend and refused to eat, or when he did eat, he was eating with his front teeth. He wasn't sleeping well and couldn't sleep at all without Tylenol. So first thing Monday morning, I wrote another email. Then, to David's grave frustration and stress, I asked him to take Griffin because I've never really had much dental work and I wanted to make sure that Griffin was getting the care that he needed. The children's practice couldn't fit us in on Monday, but my letter was convincing enough that they said they would see him on the adult side. I had made Griffin go to school, but it was okay because David said they had said we could take Griffin in at any time that day. However, when David got there around 1400, they told him they had wanted him before noon, so it would be a half hour wait. I had hoped to work all day and evening that day to wrap up things I had been doing on travel the previous week, but this was too important so of course the wait would be worth it.

Griffin and Daddy walked up to meet us girls while we were waiting for Alex's bus, and David told me that the new dentist, who spoke English well, filled Griffin's first tooth and was upset that the first dentist had left a gaping hole to begin with, and also filled his second tooth. David said this dentist had a very good demeanor and was willing to be Griffin's dentist, even though he doesn't specifically work with children most of the time. Griffin is feeling much better and sleeping and eating again. Today I gave him an apple for his school snack for the first time in a couple of weeks. He says there's a little bit of pain on the second tooth, so that may end up needing to be pulled, but at least he's okay for now. That poor boy went through a lot!

I'm not blaming this on November, though, because it's a carry-over from October that I should have already taken care of. November is going to be a good month, I think. I feel bad that Griffin suffered, of course, but I don't have too much Mom guilt because one can only do the best one can do. I NEVER expected to see cavities, especially of this severity, in a four year old.

Tough little guy in the dentist's chair.

He's all better.  Getting a haircut a few days later.

Handsome with a high and tight!

Oktober!

I'm a bit behind on posting this, but since I already wrote it...

October has been such a difficult month for us. Shortly after David got back from the hospital, he had a flare-up of gout that ended up landing in his feet. Gout is extremely painful, like, unbelievably painful, so David literally didn't walk for a week, if not more. When your partner doesn't walk and you're part of a family of six, that leaves you with a lot of work.

I've been working non-stop since about September 24th when we first got sick. It's been more difficult with David home and in pain than when he was in the hospital. I have to take care of him and the kids, and try to mediate since he is irritable because of his pain. Thankfully, just Monday, he finally went to the doctor and got some medicine. He started walking again that evening because the medicine was controlling the pain so well. Why didn't he go sooner?!?! I'm just saying.

The good news is that Lilly is sleeping in her bed, and Livvy is loving her "new" bed, too! The first night, Lilly yelled for an hour, "I don't want this!" Then for the next hour, she yelled, "I don't want this EVER!" But the next night, she only said it for twenty minutes. Then the third night, she said it once, and not very emphatically. On the fourth night, she walked into her bedroom like a big girl and got into bed by herself without being told. I'm thrilled! I haven't gotten a solid night of sleep yet, because she wakes up if her covers fall off of her and calls me to put them back on her. That little girl in that big twin-sized bed is so cute! And I don't mind being woken up because I'm sleeping much better now that she's not on my arm. Sometimes I even wake up refreshed! Hallelujah!

Today we are going to two different trunk or treat events on post. It's a pleasant day. A little chilly, fall foliage, heavy clouds. It's nice to be out and about and enjoying October, really for the first time all month! Monday morning, I am going away for the work week. I'm hoping to be able to come home on Wednesday for trick or treating. We'll see. This is the time I start to get so excited for Christmas. Only 59 more days! But for now,

Happy Halloween, everyone!

You see a little copycat?

Panna cotta is one of my all-time favorite desserts. I think these were johannisbeeren. It was delicious!

Where I stayed while TDY.  I drove home on Halloween to trick or treat with the kids.

SO MANY doctor visits in October. It was awful!

But by this time, they were all better. Thank God!

The routine

I'm not so egocentric as to think that you would want to read about my day-to-day. I'm already surprised enough by people who continue to read my blog. But this is for my benefit (unless you're really, very bored).

My morning routine is often brought about much earlier than I intend by one or another of the kids waking me up for various reasons. It is often Lilly wanting my arm (to sleep on), but this morning at 0500, it was Alex, who woke up afraid because Griffin was snoring in a scary manner, and Livvy's bed was creaking because she was also awake and he didn't know it. I told them both to go back to sleep. Livvy did. I'm not sure if Alex did, but he was quiet for the next 45 minutes, at least. Lilly woke up moments before my alarm, and I took her, crying and unhappy, to Daddy to sleep for the morning. Sometimes I snore too loudly to give him peace, and he sleeps in the guest bedroom.

Alex heard Lilly's raucous and wanted to get up, even though he had 25 minutes left to sleep. I let him watch TV while I got his snack, lunch, and the twins' snacks ready for the day. Last night I forgot to have the kids get their clothes ready for today, so I had to do that, too. After I woke the twins up, they both started crying; Livvy because she couldn't find the tag on her underwear to know which way to wear them, and Griffin because he didn't like the pair of pants I had picked for him. I helped Livvy and let Griffin get some other pants. But then Livvy started crying because she wanted to wear a skirt, and Griffin started crying because he couldn't find his shoes. So I told Livvy to wear the skirt she had on yesterday, and I brought Griffin's shoes to him.

This was actually not a rough morning. I gave Alex his cereal before the twins woke up. He was eager to go to school after being off for four days and was good while getting ready. I gave Livvy her cereal and Griffin some oatmeal. Today I didn't have to nag them to hurry up and eat. The twins were also excited to go to school after being off for weeks, since I didn't take them while David was in the hospital last week.

We walk out the door at 0647. But today I was one minute late. But it was okay. We walk to Alex's bus stop where I say a prayer for their safety every day. Alex's bus driver is a dear man, and it occurs to me that I trust him with my kid's life every day he goes to school. The twins and I walk to their kindergarten from Alex's bus stop. It is an improvement over last year because I had the bus stop changed to make more sense for our family. It probably saves me 15 minutes every day. Then I walk home. I usually have 20 minutes to read the Bible or my study book or blog or work on Rodan and Fields. That is my me time for the day.

At about 0750, I get ready for work. I try to be out the door by 0830, but I lolligag and procrastinate, so I am often 15 minutes late to work, but seldom later than that. I make it up by leaving later that day. Work is interesting, or boring, or just busy. It varies from day to day and week to week. Sometimes I go to the German kantine on post with my friend. Sometimes I eat at my desk. Sometimes I run errands like go to the bank, the post office, or the library. Sometimes I go out on post alone for lunch so I can work on Rodan and Fields. I usually end my day around 1730. I often go to the commissary and spend about 30 minutes picking up groceries. Then, if I have planned it right, when I come home, David already has the vegetables chopped and I can prepare dinner, after 3-4 kids jump on me and stomp up and down because they're happy to see me. (Alex is rapidly growing out of this phase--ALREADY?!) Sometimes David greets me, and sometimes he doesn't.

I spend the next hour or so preparing dinner. It's usually 1900 or later by the time we eat. After dinner, if we made it early enough, I try to read with Alex from his book by Coyote Peterson. It is slow going because I find it hard to get him to bed by 1945 so we can take 15 minutes to read. From about 2030 until 2200, I spend time with David and Lilly. We watch TV or play Candyland or have tickle time. But David doesn't really like being tickled anymore. (Lol. Just kidding. He loves it. Just kidding again. I tickle Lilly--usually.) Around 2200, I take Lilly up to bed, but I usually fight with her for an hour until she goes to sleep. Last night it was at least an hour and a half. That is frustrating, right?! But last night, she was farting a lot and then giggling, and it was actually quite funny. Her little giggle is so cute.

I sleep like a log until one of the kids wakes me for various reasons, and then we start over again. I enjoy my weekends when I don't have to wake up at 0545 and do the daily hustle and bustle. I rest on Sundays and even some Saturdays, unless we're traveling. I would like to go to Belgium soon. That's on my short list. But David still needs a break, so I'll hold off from that for a while.

And now it's 0811. I have procrastinated and need to get ready in a hurry. Lol.

Slowing down!

Our adventures basically came to a screeching halt this week. The flu virus, or whatever abomination took over our family last week, lingered too long with David and became a severe bacterial infection. He ended up staying in the hospital for five days while being treated with IV antibiotics. He is home now, still on oral antibiotics, and still not 100% recovered.

Of course, we were disappointed to miss out on time with Melissa, who went home yesterday. I missed out adulting in Berlin with her and taking her to Rothenburg. We missed out on taking her to Bavaria, although she went alone, and she and David both missed out on going to Oktoberfest together. Oktoberfest was one of the highest things on David's list as far as coming over here was concerned. That isn't happening for him, now.

I keep hearing the words "Slowing down" in my head to the tune of "Love in an elevator" when they sing "Going down." I can't help it. I've heard it all week.

We really slowed down this week. And it isn't all bad. I'm hopeful that David got some rest while he was alone in his hospital room for five straight days. I only visited him about an hour each day, so that amounts to a lot of alone time for the entire week.

One of the things that I missed this year was my annual opportunity to play stay-at-home mom. I usually send David to FL without me during spring break so that he can get some sun and hang out with his family. That didn't happen this year, obviously, and I missed my time alone with the kids without work days. I usually plan activities and try to see something we haven't seen. Although this week was stressful with worrying about David's well-being, I was certainly able to enjoy my time with the kids and to enjoy being at home for a nice change. It's true that I enjoy my job and am very grateful for it, but the ultimate truth is that I've wanted to be a stay-at-home mom my entire life. That didn't change even with my success at work. This week, I didn't have anything fun and special planned for the kids, and I couldn't go very far away, but we still enjoyed the day-to-day. We carved Alex's pumpkin, we went to the playground, we watched a movie and had some popcorn. I did some cleaning around the house, got all caught up with laundry (which I am forever behind on), made muffins (my new favorites), and actually, truth be told, slept more than usual.

It was nice.

The other thing about these challenging times in our lives is that we really get some great support from our friends and family. It is heartwarming. Thank you all for your prayers, encouragement, and

help.

German hospitals

I am at the moment sitting in the waiting room with David so that he can be put on IV antibiotics for his sore throat. The ENT sent him here because she was worried about his breathing with how badly his throat was swollen because of the infection. I think she was also worried that the infection was so bad that he might go septic. Great start to week two of Melissa's vacation.

As you may remember, I had a very good experience with Alex's ENT when they removed his adenoids and put tubes in his ears. Unfortunately, they are closed this week. So I called the referral on their answering service, and they were surgeons, so they gave me another referral. Yesterday I took Livvy to that ENT, and it was absolutely no nonsense, easy to get antibiotics, and probably cost less than my copay. Today David needed to go, and she took one look at him and sent him here, to Helios kliniken, about a mile and a half away from our house.

It is intimidating because of the language barrier and the general culture of no customer service whatsoever. The woman at the information both told us to walk to Brauchzentrum. They told us to go to HNO. HNO ignored us for ten minutes, and then told us to go down the hall and sit in the waiting room, which is already populated with 4 other patients. The prescription that the doctor wrote said, "Please put him on IV antibiotics (specific type)." That's all it said, other than his diagnosis, which appears to be peritonsillitis, or something to that effect. Of course, nothing will be done in a hurry here. We will be in the dark up to and including when they discharge him. The doctors are all fluent in English and usually very kind, but too busy to communicate, as you could imagine. They have inexpensive healthcare here for sure, but they don't seem to care very much about their patients.

That's probably not true. They don't seem to care if their patients are in pain or suffering if they can't do anything about it, but generally I think they want to see you get well. They're just very matter-of-fact about suffering.

Oh by the way, while we're sitting here right now, my stomach is cramping and I'm feeling sick. Last night I vomited up everything I had possibly eaten yesterday. Livvy was also sick last night. Melissa is currently at home with the kids. I surely feel bad for her. We had all these great plans and haven't been able to carry out a single one of them. In fact, I should be calling Edelweiss Lodge right now and cancelling our reservation. It's just that David wants to go to Oktoberfest so bad that he's not ready to give up on it. I imagine I will lose a night's stay over this. Hopefully not, and hopefully no more than that. Time will tell.

...Doktor G. walked in with his white coat and his white shoes with green alligators and rapid-fired some questions in German to David, who looked at me weakly for help. I asked the doctor to speak English, but I still needed to be there to handle some interpretation. The doctor got out this long skinny tool and started cleaning it. It looked ominous to me, but he mostly just used it to gag David and look down his throat. His conclusion, after prodding and poking for ten minutes, was that David needs an IV antibiotic, and they would get him a bed. They would look at him again later to see if he will need a tonsillectomy, after all.

That was an hour ago. For some reason, I thought this part would go a bit faster, after the doctor verified that a bed was indeed needed. David and I are sitting in the waiting room kind of quietly. What's to be said? My stomach is still unsettled, although I've only gotten sick once since being here. We were able to cancel our reservation at Edelweiss Lodge without a charge, provided I can get a doctor's note.

After 5 hours of being here, David is in a private room.  I hope the insurance covers it like normal.  I won't know until I submit the claim and get it approved or rejected.  One of the doctors laughed and said, "What did the doctor tell you? You'll be here for 4 or 5 days." Surprise, surprise!

Man, the last 2.5 weeks have been pretty terrible for us. I'm waiting for things to get better. I know they will, but I'd certainly like it to happen sooner rather than later.  Once again, I'm thankful for my friends and family back home who encourage and pray for me, and for my friends here who help when I really need it.  I'll tell you, I know some good people.  Thank God for you all.  Please keep praying for us!

Disneyland Paris and...

I was so pleasantly surprised when we found ourselves driving away for Disneyland Paris at about 0515, only 15 minutes later than I had hoped to depart. And we forgot nothing!! This trip was starting out perfectly, and if you've read any of my blogs at all, you know that is not normal for us.

About four hours into our five hour drive, I started getting dizzy and having tunnel vision. We got to Disney's Davy Crockett Ranch at about 1030 with no issues other than that. When we went in to get our tickets, they told us our lodge wouldn't be ready until 1600. I could handle it, so we went to Disneyland, and although I was starting to get chills from the fever I was running, I was enjoying myself quite a bit. We went through It's a Small World, and I told the kids they have now been inaugurated into the world of Disney.

By about 1500, I was feeling awful and counting down the minutes. We finally made it to the lodge around 1800. I pretty much told David I needed to lie down and rest because I couldn't do anything more. The next day, it took everything I had inside me to get Melissa to the park for the day. I was wiped out and still not even close to recovering. We had a reservation for a character lunch at 1245. When I was little, character meals were the most fun for me, and I wanted the same experience for my kids. That was my next target.

We were late. Melissa was incredibly patient, sweet, forgiving, and exact with her directions. So fortunately, they didn't give away our table, and we didn't have to mess around wondering where to go. My favorite was watching Rabbit from Winnie-The-Pooh interact with the kids. Look at those hugs! Griffin is absolutely buried! The kids clearly had a good time. Lilly loved watching them from a distance, and let Mickey Mouse get close enough for pictures. I was doing well enough and planning to make it to the fireworks, but surprisingly enough, even with our late start to the day, the kids simply could not. So I brought the kids "to our new home", as they put it, and David and Melissa stayed for the fireworks and took a taxi back later.

Griffin and Livvy were both getting sick. I loaded them up with Tylenol and got them to sleep. It was just as well, since I was overtired and not feeling well, yet. But Livvy woke up several times in the middle of the night needing pain medicine for her throat. Griffin slept all night but, as I had feared, woke up the next morning in what I can imagine was excruciating pain in his throat. I never heard of a virus doing this, but my throat was killing me! It felt like needles! It felt like it had felt after my tonsillectomy at 25 years old! 

We had bought Alex some Chloraseptic, so I gave that to Griffin immediately and then gave him some ibuprofen. I got Melissa to the park a little bit earlier than the day before, but told her we were going to take a sick day. This was Disney day 3 of 4. It was our second of 2 full days at the park. It just wasn't going to work out for us. We did go in around 1900, finally. I thought we might watch the fireworks, but instead decided we should ride rides. We didn't get to ride much, because even though they say they don't close until 2030, they start closing everything right around 1930. I got to do the Nautilus, which I had been looking forward to. Its description made it seem like the old 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, which I've always remembered fondly from our trips to Disney World. Unfortunately it wasn't. It was just a walkthrough. Wah wah.  

It turns out that even that little bit proved to be too much for Griffin, still.  The night ended back at Disney's Davy Crockett Ranch with Griffin spitting sticky Tylenol all over the two of us.  It had not been a pleasant day at all.

The next morning, day 4 of 4, I got up in time to get to Walt Disney Studios for Magic Hour.  Even though I still wasn't feeling that well, I really wanted to ride the Tower of Terror at least once.  But, Magic Hour wasn't very magical, and the Tower of Terror was one of several rides that weren't open until the park opened to the public.  I did ride the Rock'n Rollercoaster, which I love, and Ratatouille, which was a very clever ride. It was pretty much during Magic Hour that I decided it was time for us all to go home. I prayed that David would be willing to drive without a fuss.

He was, and he seemed relieved that I didn't want to take the kids back into the park for another day of torture fun.  About 3.5 hours into the 5 hour drive, I noticed David getting the chills, and I didn't even have to ask.  He wanted to try to push through, but that just didn't seem right. We stopped for a bio break and I took over the driving.  I'll tell you, the German home never looked so good to any of us!

So our Disneyland Paris trip was a bit of a flop. The two things I wanted to happen the most, after the character meal, didn't happen: to ride a roller coaster with Alex and for the girls to meet Minnie Mouse. But a vacation flop can happen anywhere. We were there from Monday through Thursday, and it is now Saturday. I got sick on Monday. Today is the first day I've been able to slip the schedule for the pain medicine because of how bad my throat has been. I don't think it's strep because everyone else has healed up from it. I've been gargling a lot since yesterday, and honestly, it feels like that is what's helping the best. 

I had intended to take Melissa to Koblenz yesterday, but instead sent her to Mainz on her own. I had a reservation in a hotel for Berlin today, but David is still sick and I am still coming back to health, so Melissa went there alone, also. I'm hopeful that we'll both be well enough on Monday that Melissa and I can go to Rothenburg. Tuesday we are supposed to go to Garmisch. I hope and pray Melissa doesn't get sick. I am actually optimistic, but only time will tell.

How cute.

It was fun to see the Leaning Tower of Pisa in It's a Small World, since we had been there in person this year.

Exhausted on day 1!

I think she's a little bit suspicious.

Pinocchio gave Alex a kiss.  Griffin laughed and told Pinocchio that Alex is a boy.  So Pinocchio slapped his head.  The boys laughed and talked about that later that night.

That's quite a hug, Rabbit!