A little bit about me

At risk of showing my egocentrism, I thought I might write about myself a little bit. I think that most people know me pretty well. I think I'm pretty open and would be accused of over- as opposed to under-sharing. But I've been writing so much about my family and our current status, I thought this would also be appropriate.

I am 41 years old, and there are many things in my past and present that shape or have shaped who I am today. The greatest of these things is my faith. In my faith, I struggle between Paul's command to us to pray continually, and the knowledge that God is in charge and knows all things. If He already knows everything, how much do we pray? At what point do we begin nagging God? How much prayer indicates a lack of faith? Sometimes when I pray, I pray once and then leave it. "Dear God, please let me get that job." I know He knows if I should get it, so I don't feel the need to mention it again. Sometimes, like when my 15-month-old has a fever for five days straight, I pray just about every time I touch her sweet little head. Where's the balance? This is a question whose answer I still don't have, and I believe it is formative for me.

Obviously, marrying and having kids this late in life has also shaped me. I married David when I was 31, but Alex wasn't born until I was 35. I've always, and I really mean always, wanted four or more children. But I never wanted to have kids this late in my life! It definitely has its ups and downs. Mostly I am glad that I am where I am in life in relation to my kids, but I wonder how I will feel when I am 59 years old at Lilly's graduation from high school? And how will my kids feel about that?

That brings me to another question that basically drives who I am today: How does one define success? I had this conversation with one of my friends a while back. It's kind of difficult to find a definition that fits a broad audience. By the world's standards, my job might make me successful. But does that then make David not successful? Of course not! So how does someone without a career outside the home define success? I know someone who home schools 4 children. What a hard worker and organized woman she must be! Her kids are so sweet and seem to be doing well. I think she is the epitome of success!

But then, since I've always wanted to be a stay-at-home mom and never been able to, does that mean I'm actually not successful? Or is the fact that I have peace and contentment and joy in my life what actually makes me successful? (That's probably it, or at least in the right direction.)

And about my job...I work for the Army as a civilian, and I have for 12 years, now. My job as a Department of Defense civilian has treated me very well. I make decent pay and I enjoy my job quite a bit (sometimes more than others). I have been able to do so many different things and travel to many different places because of my job. Sometimes it's a struggle. I'm currently working in a male-dominated field (go figure), and since I'm relatively new (I've been here four months already!), I have to build my reputation. I was telling David that I have to work harder as a female to prove myself than a male does. It's true! But it's something I've dealt with quite a bit in my life and I can handle myself pretty well (if I do say so myself).  This week I briefed a "before action review", which was saying "here's what you did poorly the last time, let's do better this time." I was a little bit unprepared and a lot more nervous than usual because I haven't done much briefing in the past several years, but I have only been there for 4 months, so I was happy enough.  So far, working here in Germany has been a good assignment, and I think it's going to stay that way. 

I am very grateful for this stage of my life, which in general was wholly unexpected until January of this year. But truthfully, I am grateful for every stage of my life, and I have been for a while, now. It has been fun to be young and have adventure in the Navy. It was fun going to college and starting a new job for the first time. It was so much fun getting married and having kids. Carrying twins and even having c-sections were adventures of their own. Now it's fun being in a new job in a new country. But even before I left, it was starting to get fun to be more senior at work and try to help other people succeed. I also look forward to every day as the children grow older. All the way until, someday, I will be a Grandma (God willing)!

That's what I think. Life is fun and God is good.

Baby's feeling better after a 5-day fever from a UTI. Bad German doctors! I went to them 3 times in 5 days!

The man I love. We are only 1 week shy from our 10 year anniversary!

This girl's smile lights up my life.

Alex in the rain at Legoland. So much fun spending time with the family that weekend!

My little buddy. Often by my side and I am glad of it!