Alexander Family's Big Adventure: Well I never...

I had the last dinner with my mom for the month tonight. It was a very yummy dinner at Paulaner's in Wiesbaden. We stopped at Schloss Biebrich on the way. I still don't feel like Mom saw enough, but I hope she's happy like she says. I'm fairly certain she had a great time with the kids. I'm completely certain the kids had a great time with her. We also took the kids to the playground on post, because we had to go to the post office to pick up our expected package. (I had a couple of absolutely lovely surprises waiting for me. Thank you, Leanne and Holly! Totally made my day!) We made it to dinner after all of that.

So the thing about eating in Germany, in case you don't already know, is that they don't take your order quickly, rush you from course to course, and they don't bring your check until you ask for it. (Usually, at least.) I've heard it's because the restaurants want you to feel welcome. It's risky business, if you ask me. Take me, for example. I had quite a busy day before we finally made it to the restaurant. I walked in around 5:00 with four little kids and three adults. It's a decent-sized party for not having reservations. But I've been there before and we were early, so I knew we'd be okay. The kids were hungry and getting impatient. But our soup or salad came out shortly after the drinks. A while later the weisswurst and the rest of the order showed up. In between the salad and the the main course, I looked over at Lilly and saw something quite shocking. (Should I do it? Should I write this corny joke even knowing my mom might read this? Yes, I must.)

I looked over at Lilly, and I am not shitting you, I saw a big streak of poop going up her back. And even worse, I noticed a huge puddle of diarrhea directly under her high chair.

Patty, what did you do?!

Honestly, at that point, the only thing one can do is react. What SHOULD I have done? I'm already the embarrassing American family who doesn't speak German and has very loud kids. I certainly don't have the language skills (anyone know how to say "poop", "diarrhea" or even "floor" in German?) to go tell someone my baby spilled diarrhea all over the floor. So out came the baby wipes, and I used them to mop up the brown liquid before the second course of dinner arrived. Then I hid the soiled wipes inside a clean diaper and walked to the bathroom with Lilly in my arms and a big smile on my face because everyone was smiling at the cute baby. (Well, she is.) And I ate the second and third course like nothing happened.

Looking back on this awful yet absolutely hysterical event, I have two things in my mind. One, I kept saying and thinking, "I've never had anything like this happen before!" Because I hadn't! Nor would I have ever expected anything like it. It was crazy! Literally a puddle of diarrhea just lying on the floor. And Lilly wasn't fussing at all. And it wasn't really up her shirt or all over her legs as one (who is lucky enough to know these things) would come to expect. And two, I keep reliving this beautiful moment in my head, and seeing a puddle of poop lying on the floor under the high chair, but it seems like it was a physical impossibility! Did the poop defy gravity? Did it defy the laws of physics? How did it go from her diaper, miss her clothes, her high chair and land underneath (not next to) her chair?! Directly under her chair?

Well, I never had anything like that happen before. I hope I never do again! But the other funny thing about it was how nonchalantly I wiped up the poo. People were walking in to start their dinner, and I just turned my body to block the view from what I was doing. I wondered if they could smell the poop? I could! But they came in anyway, so it must not have been terrible. I'm sure the bathroom is pretty rank by now!

I just talked with Mom and David about it. We're all kind of in awe and shock about it. Mom thinks it might have been the apple juice. I guess that's possible, but it seems too fast. Not sure what else it could have been. And Lilly isn't acting sick at all, which of course is great.

Ah, the adventures we have. Not just for living in Germany, but for being a family with four little kids. It's a blast and then some, I'll tell you that!